Long Distance


The wise words of Madam Hoe-in, celebrity match-maker.

To the Mainlander
To find love on the island,
You must be pretty and smart
Mysterious enough to catch the eye
Polished enough to stay the questions
Of suspicious island friends
You must be ambitious
But know your place
Become conversant in the artifice of
‘Waka far’ and ‘comot face’
Carry vex money all the time
But learn to swallow your pride
And let the bill be paid for you
Every single time
But most of all,
Never forget
That you are merely an interloper
You’ll never fit in
So don’t even try.

To find love on the mainland
You must get bored of your gilded cage
And long for the rush
Of long forbidden thrills
Learn to blend in
But find a way to stand out
A rolex watch, weaves that sweat class
Don’t fret that you’re being too subtle
Pedigree will set you apart
Don’t bother with baiting them on their turf
Lest you break a nail or much worse
Go all the way, immerse yourself
No point in a half-hearted rebellion
Curse louder, drink harder
Earn your scars, prove yourself
It might seem like overcompensating
But this will never come naturally to you
And remember,
A safari is only fun for the tourists
Not the game rangers.

(Don’t kill me, this is just satire lol.)


2 thoughts on “Long Distance

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